It is my firm belief that in marriage, the husband and wife are connected with everything… you become one when you makes vows to that person. Your husband sounds fairly selfish, if he is not willing to take on your debt problem as his problem too. I can relate where you are coming from though, if you weren’t married …
before my husband I got married, I was in major debt. It was at that point in time, (while we were only living together) that we both put in 50/50 into our rent, utilities and food expenses and anything we did together. After my debt was paid off, we got married and it was smart to wait because, he knew my debts would become his problem if we were to get married. It gave me great incentive to pay them off as fast as I could and not get into debt again.
He is the breadwinner, but now that we are married, he doesn’t consider it his money or my money…. it’s ours and we have a caring and responsibility for each other… even our mistakes we make. Of course we allot ourselves each a little personal spending money for individual freedom, but there is a budget for that which is agreed upon each month. I can only assume that your husband would not be open to go to a family counselor with you or see it this way at all.
Sounds like you need marriage counseling together first before you need financial counseling alone. If his incentive is to teach you financial responsibility, then that is strange because after all, he is your husband… not your father. It comes back down to selfishness on his part more than anything. If you are paying for your own bills, than you are living the life of a single person. What do you at tax time, file as “single” married status?
Another intuitive sense I am getting from this, is he would probably get very angry that you are getting this kind of advice from various people (OMG…strangers!)on a blog.
I agree that your husband sounds a little selfish. I have been with my fiancee’ for a little over a year and he understood that all my debt came with me and I understood his came with him. When we look at all the finances and the debt we have it is our debt, not a debt that he has or a debt that I have. Mine way over sees his, but we are together and that means are money is together. Don’t get stuck in a relationship that mine and yours. My mother has done it for almost 30 years and it will make you bitter. Debt is stress enough, but when you do not have your spouse backing you up on getting out of debt it triples.
Thanks for the encouragement. We have been married for 6 years and it has always been his and mine. We don’t even have car insurance together. I am self-employed,so he does pay my health insurance.You are right about it making you bitter because I resent the way he is. I was married before and everything was OURS jointly. I feel as if I am living on my own most of the time. I am trying to save the money for the BK lawyer now. Looking forward to starting over. I wish he was more supportive.