Month: August 2016

I’d like to add about five cents in here also

It is my firm belief that in marriage, the husband and wife are connected with everything… you become one when you makes vows to that person. Your husband sounds fairly selfish, if he is not willing to take on your debt problem as his problem too. I can relate where you are coming from though, if you weren’t married …

before my husband I got married, I was in major debt. It was at that point in time, (while we were only living together) that we both put in 50/50 into our rent, utilities and food expenses and anything we did together. After my debt was paid off, we got married and it was smart to wait because, he knew my debts would become his problem if we were to get married. It gave me great incentive to pay them off as fast as I could and not get into debt again.

He is the breadwinner, but now that we are married, he doesn’t consider it his money or my money…. it’s ours and we have a caring and responsibility for each other… even our mistakes we make. Of course we allot ourselves each a little personal spending money for individual freedom, but there is a budget for that which is agreed upon each month. I can only assume that your husband would not be open to go to a family counselor with you or see it this way at all.

Sounds like you need marriage counseling together first before you need financial counseling alone. If his incentive is to teach you financial responsibility, then that is strange because after all, he is your husband… not your father. It comes back down to selfishness on his part more than anything. If you are paying for your own bills, than you are living the life of a single person. What do you at tax time, file as “single” married status?

Another intuitive sense I am getting from this, is he would probably get very angry that you are getting this kind of advice from various people (OMG…strangers!)on a blog.

I agree that your husband sounds a little selfish. I have been with my fiancee’ for a little over a year and he understood that all my debt came with me and I understood his came with him. When we look at all the finances and the debt we have it is our debt, not a debt that he has or a debt that I have. Mine way over sees his, but we are together and that means are money is together. Don’t get stuck in a relationship that mine and yours. My mother has done it for almost 30 years and it will make you bitter. Debt is stress enough, but when you do not have your spouse backing you up on getting out of debt it triples.

Thanks for the encouragement. We have been married for 6 years and it has always been his and mine. We don’t even have car insurance together. I am self-employed,so he does pay my health insurance.You are right about it making you bitter because I resent the way he is. I was married before and everything was OURS jointly. I feel as if I am living on my own most of the time. I am trying to save the money for the BK lawyer now. Looking forward to starting over. I wish he was more supportive.
Thanks again,

Read More I’d like to add about five cents in here also

I hope everything works out for you though

I have two stories that stem from this train of thought.

Story #1 is one of my best friends.

He got married and his wife was somewhat headstrong and followed this mentality. She made good money, so it was somewhat fair for them, but pretty soon my friend started earning more money than her. She has a degree in finance or something or other, but they had separate bank accounts each, plus a ‘shared’ account that the bills were paid out of. They would each chip in 50% of everything, and if someone wanted a car then that payment came from their personal account. Long story short, I’m going to his second wedding in September. For reasons not clear, they finally split up last year and he’s moved on.

Story #2.

A friend of mine from work has a friend who I don’t know, but her husband was of the opinion that the wife raise the kids. This includes any sports or activities they want to play, clothe them, and anything else directly related to them. She works at a small bank and after several years, confessed that she has been stealing money from customers to help pay for their kids stuff. The husband makes good money, but he wouldn’t pay for anything for the kids. I guess he paid for the house and other bills, but the kids were up to her. She confessed to stealing the money from customers because she couldn’t take the thought of it anymore. She didn’t get caught, but confessed because she could no longer sleep at night. The husband now suffers the embarrassment of his wife being charged and the public humility. I feel bad for the wife, and my initial reaction was ‘serves the husband right’.

I hope your situation doesn’t turn out like either one of these ones, and I hope your husband sees the light and joins your team (of one so far) and supports you better in your marriage and bills.

If I could work 12 hour days so that my wife could stay home and raise our children, I certainly would. But our current situation requires her to work as well, and she enjoys working, but I know she would enjoy it more if she went to work for something to do, rather than getting the paycheck.

Read More I hope everything works out for you though

Phone Calls

I spoke to a creditor on Tuesday about my account. However, I keep getting phone calls from them twice a day about the same thing. They all keep saying that they will document my account, but they aren’t. I have sent a stop communication letter via phone letter to them and I know they received it. Is there any way to stop these annoying calls other than what I tried?

You are going to have to send them the drop dead letter – certified mail. That is the only legal proof that they recieved it. Then when the call, immediately ask for a manager. Tell them they are in violation of Federal law and if they call again, you will legal action against them.

If they call back after that, document the date, time and telephone number they called you at and if you have caller-id, the number they called from. Then call a lawyer and see about suing them.

I may be wrong, but I think it is only the collection agencies that need to stop calling once a person has notified them to stop. I think it is legal for the CC co’s to call and no amount of asking them to stop will help as long as a person is not current on payments.

I sent IC Systems a certified letter and I have not had a call since last Friday!! It worked! Thanks to everyone’s suggestions, I have peaceful days and nights.

Read More Phone Calls